My Thoughts On Football

Let me begin my defense for what I assume will be a deluge of hate mail, but I hate football. Well, that's not true. I hate (intensely dislike) football fans. No, that's not it, either. Okay, I have a low tolerance for people who are such rabid fans that their team can do no wrong. Yeah, that's closer.

I grew up in Ohio, but I did not attend Ohio State. I will cheer for my own college (Miami Univ), but I have no interest whatsoever in who or what or when OSU plays. When I moved to Michigan, I learned everyone was assumed to be declared for either UMich or Mich State, no matter where you actually attended college. My co-workers could not understand how *I*, a gal from Ohio, cared not for OSU. It was just not in their chemical make-up to comprehend such things.

I was the product of non-rabid fans. My Mom was from Brooklyn, and she told us a true fan stood by their team through thick or thin, win or lose. They LOVED their Dodgers, and went to the games because they were fans, not because the team was on a winning streak. She told us people lined the streets and cried when the Dodgers left town.

Nowadays, no player stays with a team for very long if they can get more money somewhere else. It is a business and I think that is what has soured me to all sports. It's more about money and winning (and drugs) than it is about playing the game.

Okay - The Washington Redskins. I am in "Redskins Rule and Cowboys $uck" territory, and it makes me crazy! One season after a loss to who-remembers-what-team, all the guys could talk about was how they would have won "if only so-and-so had not been injured" or "if that call had gone in our favor". HELLO! You LOST! Accept it and move on, okay?!

Last Friday all I heard was how Sunday was going to be a cake walk - they were playing the joke-of-a-team not-even-worth-our-time Detroit Lions. I looked it up and the Lions had not won a game in like 2 seasons. Okay, fine. But where was the sportsman-like conduct? They know not of these terms.

Imagine my GLEE yesterday when I heard Detroit had won the game! OMG, I could not WAIT to get to work and hear what people had to say. Today, all day, it was vewy, vewy qwiet ... {tee hee}

Then, as I was leaving the office, I saw the Washington Post out on a table, and glanced at the headlines:

"Washington Bails Out Detroit". Okay, guys, YOU WERE TROUNCED! But I am not surprised this was spun into a positive tone. Not one bit surprised. I am sure all week I will be listening to how "if we had only ..." excuses. Yeah, guys, write 'em down and play the game next week, okay? Do you think maybe you were just a wee bit complacent and assuming in this cake walk gig? Well, do ya?!

I am done, now. Thank you for reading.

Why?

My day, and why I need a massage every 2 weeks. I actually need it weekly, but I like to eat, so I sacrifice. Here are today's burning "Why" questions:

1. Why do you think it is okay to turn right from the left lane? Do you not see there are cars in the right lane? Do you not see the sign over your lane that indicates you may go straight or turn left ONLY? Why do you think you have the right-of-way over the cars in the right lane, or the oncoming cars turning left? Are you TOO GOOD to get in line like the rest of us and wait for the light? Where are you going that is so important that you are special?

2. Why do you think it is okay to exit left from the right lane? Do you not see there are cars in the left lane? Why is lack of planning on your part suddenly imposed on several others who have to stop to prevent them from slamming into you, thus backing up traffic even more? Are you TOO GOOD to think about the fact that there is an exit coming up and maybe you should be in the proper lane to start with?

3. Why do you wait until your merge/transition lane is gone and you are driving on the shoulder to begin your merge? Why do you feel a God-given right to stick your car into moving traffic without the benefit of a turn signal to indicate your intent? Why do you feel the need to flip the finger at everyone who failed to stop traffic to let you in? What part of this is not YOUR doing?

4. Why do you feel it is okay to cross a double solid white line (which indicates the exit has already been defined, and you are past it) and create a second lane in the one-lane exit, bypassing all the cars already legally in that lane, then push your way into the waiting cars so you can exit? Do you really need to get to work that much faster than the rest of us?

(Caution: change in topic.)

5. Why is your music on so loud that it is blaring from your ear phones to the point where you could not hear me say "excuse me" after YOU stopped dead in your tracks, totally unaware that anyone else was in the world, causing me to bump into you? Then, after you grudgingly acknowledged my existence, why did you give me the evil eye as if this was somehow MY fault?

6. Why was I so upset/confused/dismayed after listening to that NPR piece on teens so addicted to texting they felt they could not possibly be expected to drive without texting? Why do these kids feel it is okay? Even after one of them was in two serious accidents because she was texting while driving? What part of distracted driving (and to an inexperienced driver, at that) is not clear here? *I* cannot even get my cell phone out of my purse while driving without losing focus, and I have been driving 3 times longer than these kids are old! Why do they feel this would be such an imposition on their lives? What do they freaking have to say that cannot wait until they get to where you are going?!?! Is a life in danger? Then SHUT UP AND DRIVE.

7. Why, when I went to the Post Office the other day, were three out of four people on their cell phones while waiting in line? What do you have to say that cannot wait until you leave the Post Office? Do you honestly think I want to listen to your conversation about your doctor's appointment, or what you need to do when you get home, or why you think that guy likes you? Put a sock in it!

7.5. Why (while we are on the subject of the Post Office) do you think you can walk in to the PO with a shopping bag and start packaging up your item to be mailed? Did you not think of the shipping part of this when you bought the item? Are you aware that other places sell boxes and tape? Do you know how much smoother things go when your item is ready to ship before you get into line? Do you think it is the responsibility of the Postal Service worker at the window to help you tape up your package? Why can some of us manage to do this at home? And DO NOT ask me to let you in front of me in line because you have already been here so long. YOU ARE NOT IN LINE YET, so move to the end, bucko.

8. WHY did I not see those awesome Hostess cupcakes in the vending machine at work until I was leaving? I just KNOW they could have helped me fell better about all of this.